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| i have to get out of here. i have to go somewhere else. i dont belong here. i dont think i belong anywhere. for a while it felt like my life was going in the right direction. for some time i felt like everything was going perfectly. in three days all of that changed. i lost my credibility, my GAP, a few friends, and my reputation. all because of talk.. not even an action, talk. i didnt do anything to deserve it. TALK. a simple thing like TALK led me to lose EVERYTHING. no one ever really thinks that words can do that much. and for a while i was blaming myself for their talk. i was thinking it was my fault that people gossiped about me. but just the other day i was talking to my friend. and he kind of cleared it up for me. at first he fed me the same stuff i had heard from other people.. "life goes on".. "you live you learn".. but then he said something i had never though of before; he said that all this trouble i had gotten into wasnt consequences, it wasnt karma, he said that all this struggle was for the sake of experience. for the reason of wisdom. he told me that if this would have never happened i would have never been talking to him at that exact moment thus leading my mind to complete oblivion... and then it came, he spoke to me about God. something i had heard about millions of times before. something i thought i'd accepted many years ago. but at that very moment i realized that my faith to him was a lie. he asked me if he could pray for me and i accepted. i never once thought i needed prayer. i always thought that i was such a believer, that i was saved.. but after he prayed for me i had never cried so much in my life. i had never felt that feeling before. that feeling of freedom. of all my sin and hatred and troubles being lifted.. it was an amazing feeling of bliss. and it was totally free. it was God. it was the Holy Spirit. that feeling of freedom i had felt was also protection. it was that night that i truly found God. it was from then on that i was truly happy. that night i prayed... and i meant it. | | |
| hey. sorry i havent been writing in this thing lately. been so caught up in other stuff. also i havent really been thinking about things lately. nothing has really popped up in my mind. nothing that i can write about. maybe i havent been feeling anything because i've started this thing. my xanga entries really have helped me out with my life. with my feelings. if i didnt have this i probably wouldnt be here right now. ok... thats it for me. i g2g and think!!! i need more entries!!! ciao! | | |
| people are so weird. they cant make up their minds. and once they've blown their chance. you wanna trust them one more time. | | |
| ok. . . so this is what i got on a quiz. . . its pretty cool. i like it. tell me if its true. :D.
STAY STIRRED!!
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You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish
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You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.
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| Well I don't know just what I'm here for
I want more than words can describe
I've been deprived
Can you believe it
My whole world well its fallin' apart
well it falls, still it falls, well it falls apart around me
And you pick me back up, oh said you pickin' back up
oh you gonna pick me back up and you get a' me high
Said at you pick me back up, oh said you pickin' back up
oh you gonna pick me back up and you get a' me high
Cuz' I'm drinkin' all of the tears you cry
And I don't wish, to know my ending, mmmmm'
I just say I wanna know when I begun
I wanna know when I begun
I wanna know where it started from
where it all had started from
Because I feel like I am spinning,
I feel like I'm spinning
Well I feel just like I'm spinning I'm spinning around
oh oh oh oh
said I feel like I am spinning
all around this summer
and the winter comes and another storm
it falls, well it falls, still it falls apart around me
And you pick me back up, oh said you pickin' back up
oh you gonna pick me back up and you get a' me high
Oh my, my, my
Said you pick me back up, oh said you pick me back up
oh you gonna pick me back up and you get a' me high
Said I'm drinkin all of the tears you cry
breathing every breath that you sigh
I am
I'm breathing all of the tears that you cry, that you cry
all the tears that you cry, every breath that you sigh | | |
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